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SIDS of Pennsylvania - Support Information | |||||||
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List of Do's and Dont's DO: Let your genuine concern and caring show. Be available ... to listen, to run errands, to help with the other children, or whatever else is needed at the time. Say that you are sorry about what happened and about their pain. Allow them to grieve-as much and as long as they need. Encourage them to be patient with themselves, not to expect too much of themselves and not to impose any "shoulds" on themselves. Allow them to talk about their child as often and as much as they need. Talk about the child-remember times together. Give special attention to the child's brothers and sisters. They are hurting and confused and need some attention that their parents may not be able to give at this time. Reassure them that they did everything they could, that there were no symptoms they missed, that NO ONE could have done anything any differently to save their baby's life. Help them let go of the "what ifs" and "if onlies"-what if I had been there? If only I hadn't had to leave him with a sitter. DON'T Let your own sense of helplessness keep you from reaching out to a bereaved parent. Avoid them because of your own fear of saying or doing the wrong thing. Say that you know how they feel unless you have lost a child yourself. Say "You ought to be feeling better by now" or anything else that implies a judgment of their feelings. Tell them what they should do or feel. Change the subject when they mention their dead child. Remove pictures of the child from your own home. Avoid mentioning the child's name for fear of reminding them of their pain (they haven't forgotten!). Try to find something positive about their child's death (such as closer family ties). Point out that at least they have their other children. (Children are not interchangeable.) Say that they can always have another child (even if they wanted to or could, another child will not replace the child they have lost.) Make any comment that might increase their feelings of doubt and guilt. S.I.D.S. of Pennsylvania
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©2006 S.I.D.S. of Pennsylvania Suite 250 Riverfront Place - 810 River Avenue - Pittsburgh, PA 15212 412-322-5680 or 800-PA1-SIDS (800-721-7437)
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