Developmental Stages With Reference to Grief Reactions and Helpful Approaches

Approximate Developmental Age: Infant to 2 years

A very young child will respond to "differentness" with symptoms of general distress, sleeplessness, restlessness, irritability.

They child needs a consistent nurturing figure (if a parent is not available or is unable to fulfill this need, a substitute is needed.)

Developmental Age 2-5 years

Understanding of Death: Typically, a child of this age range will not understand the permanence of, or perhaps the reality of death. In as much as he/she does understand it, there is still the frequent idea that it is temporary, or magically reversible.

Grief Reactions: The child will experience confusion ... and the anxiety that may come with it. Difficulty sleeping, concentrating. Frequent and repeated questions about the death. Frightening dreams may occur. Regression is sometimes present. Or, conversely, the child may seem quite unaffected.

Helpful Approaches: Simple, honest phrases of explanation, repeated as often as the child requests. Lots of reassurance of the child's own safety. Nurturing activities, i.e.., holding, reading, drawing pictures, playing together.

Developmental Age: 5-8 years

Understanding of Death: Depending on life experiences etc. the child may or may not understand the finality and reality of death. There is some tendency to personalize death at this stage, and the child may think of the dead person as having feelings and biological functions. There may be come "magical thinking" about death, i.e. "Did I cause the death?"

Grief Reactions: The child typically wants to understand about death in a concrete way, but may resist any thought that it may happen to them or anyone they love. The reactions typically include general distress, disorientation, confusion and sadness. Conversely, the child may behave as though nothing has happened. The desire to conform to peers is evident. The child may respond with many questions. Typically, the child has a need for physical activity and play.

Helpful Approaches: Use simple, honest words and phraseology. Listen carefully to questions asked and answer them as directly as you can. Look for confused thinking and work to gently correct it. Differ physical outlets. Participate with the child in activities like reading, walking, drawing, playing etc. Reassure about personal safety and security and about the future.

Developmental Age: 8-12 years

Understanding of Death: The child typically has a realistic understanding of death and its permanence.

Grief Reactions: The child may experience shock, denial, anxiety, distress. At this stage, children frequently exhibit a facade of coping so that it doesn't "look like they are having any problems." Fascination with death and death's rituals and a seemingly "morbid" curiosity may present. Peer conformity is important, the child doesn't want to be different from peers. Child may have heightened need for physical activity.

Helpful Approaches: Careful listening and honest answers. Create times to talk about feelings. Provide times to talk. Reassure about personal security, the future etc. It is helpful to share experiences of death with other children. Create opportunities to engage in physical activity and play. Establish that it is good to talk about feelings.

Written for use in Stepping Stones Program

With reference to The Dougy Center Facilitator Manual

Helping Children Cope With Grief, Alan Wolfelt, PhD. 1983

 

 

 

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